Dig Deep!

Since I got the words “Dig Deep” tattooed on my forearm, I am constantly asked about the meaning, my usual answer is “it’s something I’ve had to do for much of my life”, but I hadn’t heard the term dig deep until Ken Chlouber the founder of the Leadville 100 mountain bike race give his pre-race speech in 2001. In the dictionary of Tom, Dig Deep = being mentally tough, not giving up, doing what you need to do, confronting and conquering even when you mentally or physically don’t want to. Events in life had forced me to become good at digging deep, I think it’s always been there, but these events just brought it out. In 1990 my wife Cyndi who at the time was a young 27 years old became ill, she had some sort of degenerative brain disease that was never diagnosed, it was a slow miserable illness and she spent close to 10 years in a nursing home. I was in the prime of my life and found myself doing many things a man my age wouldn’t dream of having to do, but rather than become bitter I always did what I had to, no questions asked no second guessing, Dig Deep, just do it. After Cyndi’s passing when I thought life was going to get easier for me, my son who was 17 became addicted to heroin. I am not an enabler, never have been never will be, I think this is the biggest mistake many parents make.  JT ended up leaving the house after I called the police on him, it was the hardest phone call I have ever had to make in my life, I would spend the next 6 months not knowing where he was, reading newspapers became tough, and every time you read about an unidentified body you wondered could it be? You just prayed for his safety and hoped he would hit rock bottom and seek help. Dig Deep, yes I’m good at it, I have now attempted the Leadville 100 mountain bike race 4 times, in 2001 back spasms so bad I couldn’t turn the pedals with 10 miles to go stopped me from finishing, in 2002 I finished in over 12 hours and not having a buckle was killing me. I applied for the lottery in 2005 and got into the race but couldn’t go, again in 2010 and this would be the year as I was super motivated I took a black marker and wrote Dig Deep on my bike frame. I remember days I didn’t feel like riding but made myself go, on race day I felt good and ready, the race went well until I got to twin lakes on the return, the love of my life Pat was there, I looked at Pat and said, “man I don’t know if I’m going to make it” she replied “get on your bike and get out of here, you will make it” at the time very important motivation for me. Thru out the rest of the race I kept looking at the clock, I had an internal battle going on, if you race you know what I’m talking about, your body wants to quit, but your brain is too stupid to stop yah that’s digging deep. Endurance athletes know what I’m talking about, it’s a constant mental battle with yourself, if you train right, these events are 5% physical and 95% mental. As I got over the top of that hell hill called Power Line, it started to sink in that I was going to be close to the 12 hour buckle cut off, Oh my god anything but 12:00:01, my ability to do what I need to do no matter what had kicked in, I kept repeating to myself you are going to do this, your wired for this. Coming up the final climb into town I felt like the whole world could hear and feel my breathing, I was giving all in the final push,  the clock was winding down and I still wasn’t sure I would make it in 12 hours. As I crested 7^th street into downtown Leadville with 5 minutes to spare, I knew I had done it and at that point I just let the bike glide into town, I was going to enjoy and savor this moment 11:56:20. If you have seen the movie Race Across the Sky 2010 it showed what a very emotional finish it was for me, seemed like all those times I had to “Dig Deep” in my life had come together to get me across the finish line, only a few other times in life have I had such a feeling. In Leadville that year I bought a bracelet with the words “Dig Deep” which I lost so I decided to tattoo the words on my forearm as reminder of where I have been and my ability to hang in there no matter what the circumstances or how difficult a situation is, quitting or walking away is easy, confronting and conquering aka Digging Deep is not! 

Here is one of my scenes from the movie Race Across the Sky 2010 in which I discuss Dig Deep!